i sent daniel a text before work because i had to get it out to someone but i couldn't handle talking on the phone and speaking it. my brother is my only friend really. i have no friends, i have noone that is there for me outside of my family except for adam. it will be hard dealing with this, but mostly it will be hard dealing with this alone. i have no friends here. i am meeting people through work, but it is not yet enough to pull me along.

i am a bad friend.

i am difficult to talk to i am quiet i am awkward i can never think of anything to say. also the friends i have had i have not kept. i am too much in my own world. i speak in awkward pauses. i have nothing to say! it does not come.

i told him it's different for me than it is for you.

i have more to lose i said.

no matter how much i looked up at the ceiling and batted my eyes i could not stop. at work now i have a crying headache and my eyes feel swollenly tired.

daniel called. it is his thinking that if we need a break now we will need a break later and a break is not good. a break will not be productive.

i don't know.

it has been a long shift.