my brother's advice to me was to act like you just don't care and i've been doing just that. it's working i suppose, but what it is is just acting. it's just that i don't know what i want really. what to expect, etc, basically it's been the same state since day one there's no new complaints i don't think. i'd rather put periods at the end of my thoughts instead of the ends of my sentences i think i'm going to try doing that just now. but anyway what i'm thinking about is the future and there's no long term thoughts for us at least not that i know of or i can't make any because. i don't know why i guess if he isn't seeing a long term then i can't let myself see the long term that i want to see. i mean i can't let myself dream about what may be's because god my heart hurt a lot this summer. i didn't realize how much my heart was hurt until i was sitting in the parking lot before work deleting text messages from my cell phone and i couldn't bring myself to read the little nonchalant ones that he sent like nothing was wrong. like we weren't apart like something hadn't changed. i mean i guess there's something to not seeing a long term not making plans living your life day to day yeah there's a beauty to it but maybe just theoretical or you know, maybe i just need to know.

at joann's i fell in love with a plaid. i put it back because i spent more than i should have on his birthday present.

friday ann and i are going to the sc special libraries association conference in spartanburg we're leaving at 7 i think.

i hate that my yahoo mail constantly says that i have one unheard voicemail i really hate that.