Yesterday I was driving across town and on NPR they were talking
about Wallace Stevens and how he was an insurance man who scribbled
his poems on his daily walks to the office and handed them to his
secretary to decipher and type and stick them all into a folder.
Stevens said it gave a man character as a poet to have daily
contact with a job.

I'm quitting my job. Today's my last day. I have another one
lined up. Another job, but it's only part time. The rest I'm
hoping to make up through my own hands and my own endeavors.
My own time, my own space, my own schedule. At least more so.
No more 40 hours to another, but only 15 or only 20, the rest
mine.

I'm excited but timid. It feels like peeking round the doorframe.

But I started this entry because I wanted to remember this quote,
too, from Wallace Stevens. And I'm not sure how it fits but my
agnostic going on atheist mind has been turning it over and over
and:

After one has abandoned a belief in God,
poetry is that essence which takes its
place as life's redemption
.

and it was playing in my head last night as I was telling M how
nervous I was and worried and hopeful and happy but different,
it's going to be different, and between all of that I was thinking
of that quote, too, and it felt like a lot. It felt like a lot to
be thinking of all at once and I kind of wanted to cry and to feel
the way you feel after you cry, new and refreshed and like the inside
of your chest has been cleansed and it's all going to be ok because
it's disappeared a little.

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