m just put on van morrison and now i feel
like we should do it sort of. tonight i wore
my hair down for once with the prettiest lace
slip i could find and tried not to eat as many
calories as the day before. we sat on the same
barstools as the night we were to first meet out
years ago now and he was so nervous he turned his
back to me and didn't say a word. i spent that night
talking to ann and whichever guys were at the end of
the bar and left without saying goodbye, thinking him
uninterested. tonight we turned our backs to each
other for seconds in memory and then had him tell
me he still thought i was as special now. it seems
impossible.

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