last night m and i were watching allen toussaint play southern nights on television and i got really upset and called home trying not to cry. i tried to sound ok but mom knew something was wrong and the waterworks were heavy then. last week my dad was diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm on top of trying to recover from pneumonia and his lungs are weak but recovering yet he's unable to work and then spent friday in intensive care again when his blood pressure flew out of control. i feel so helpless sitting here all these hours and miles away and not seeing him and not being there for my mom when she's worried and scared and not having the money to do anything about it. m and i are going at the end of this week though - in spite of the rising gas prices - or maybe we'll take the train because of them. today was another day where i accomplished next to nothing though i did finally make these pretties for my hair - an idea i've been wanting to do since wearing my aunt's wedding crown these past few weeks. i want to make more but need more flowers and wire and lace and supplies.