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i engaged a few vices during and after viewing blue valentine which was more than necessary since it struck such a resonant chord and dredged up more feelings than i wanted to feel from a night of what i thought would be filled with simple pleasures like chocolate, wine, popcorn, and new releases catch-up. i was an emotional wreck from all angles, empathizing with each character in a way that i wish i couldn't, but in a way that i guess that anyone who's had any sort of relationship harden round the edges can. i mean just last year i was crying in the doorframe begging and pushing the end away, trying to gain a little more time (and succeeding for now) and then with my first marriage felt that same physical repulsion seated in the marrow and the core along with the stiffness and cold that takes over your body so that you're not even yourself anymore. and then on the opposite side also been on the receiving end of that humiliation and deep seated hurt that comes with the repeated rejection of affection attempted to give another. definitely an emotional wreck. i'd say one of the best recent movies i've seen in the longest time and certainly one of the most honest. i'm glad i watched it alone and let myself fall apart over the whole thing for the rest of the night. and today, even, still bits and pieces of it drifting by.

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