been trying to do the south beach diet for four days now. it's kind of hard when you're vegetarian - i mean, it wouldn't be hard if i had money but i can't really afford to go buy a ton of tofu and veggie protein and tempeh and seitan because all that shit's pretty expensive. even morningstar burgers and gardein chick'n are out of my price range for more than one night a week. and even buying fresh veggies adds up. that only really leaves, like, canned black beans and eggs. carbs are so cheap. eating badly is so cheap. it's frustrating. i am kind of thinking it might be easier to just start eating meat again. i don't really want to, but i don't know - it seems like it'd be easier to eat a healthier cheap diet if i did. everything has steriods and chemicals and genetic modification anyway - it's all pointless. eating healthy and organic isn't for the poor.

in any case i'm kinda thinking about going back to livejournal. i mean, keeping this blog here, but all of the personal journal type stuff somewhere else. i think i've been doing this far too long to not want a readership of some sorts, but i'm not feeling quite as fond of putting myself out there for any and everyone. i like that lj has privacy controls and i can publish posts just for myself, or just for a circle of friends, or just for one or two or everyone. there are so many filter options and i don't know why more blogging platforms don't have this. blogger is either totally private or totally open (as far as i know). i think keeping track of my stats and traffic the past few months has kinda weirded me out that there are people that i don't want anything to do with reading and plus all these people in the town i live in reading and realizing i don't even really know that many people here and could go out and have total strangers know something about me while i have nothing on them. i'm not totally naive to the fact that putting yourself out there for anyone to read means that, well, anyone can and will read - but in a perfect world i would wish that everyone who reads your blog would have a blog so you could read about them too. i am very much into tit for tat. plus this blog is too connected to my business pursuits and it feels a bit like i should constantly censor for fear of not being able to make a buck and fear of offending potential customers. which leads to superficial twee posts like all the other blogs that bore me. and honestly it makes me feel so... unintelligent. fake. i feel like maybe i have such a hard time with this cause i started out writing online over a decade ago and it all being totally personal and real life documentation and then this whole idea of blogging over the years has morphed into some personal branding superficial something else kind of thing and i never learned how to banish the first or balance the two. in any case, this blog probably won't change much other than you won't get any of the random minutae life posts anymore that you probably didn't like anyway - and i promise it won't be post after post to just promote my shop - it will, for the most part, stay the same. it's just come time to separate the personal blogging from the public blogging.

or maybe i just need to hibernate for a while.